Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
