Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You had me at "let me see your balls"
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
