Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
