The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
