pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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