This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
