Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
My first STD was from a foam party
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I would ride that face into the sunset
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
