So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
