would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize
