Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
