i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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