can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
