So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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