weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Randomize
