don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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