the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
