I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
