now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
