The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
