She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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