Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
