I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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