Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
