I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
