lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
