Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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