Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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