You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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