Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
