Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
