I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
