she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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