How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Randomize
