White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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