Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
