My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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