Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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