Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
