Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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