If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
