after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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