I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
