You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
