I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
There was a lot of him and a little penis
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
