She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
