Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
