Screwed.edu
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
