so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
