Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
