i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
