She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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