I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
