the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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