This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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